bein aimy

lifestyle guru-wannabe, a fierce woman who is after her dreams – living it out, who loves to travel, basking a kiss of heaven, self-made, multi-tasker, loves RDJ (who doesn't?) and ultimately a firm believer of the Sought-After!

Beautiful MESS (BOYS Edition)

on April 7, 2013
from tumblr

from tumblr

As promised! But before zooming into the meat of this account, let me first share a TGIF-slightly-feel-good-movie-line from “Waiting for forever” (Will’s letter to Emma):

Dear Emma,

Those two words “Dear Emma” take me away to another time when we used to write to each other after Mom and Dad died. I used to tell you about my new friends and my new life. And you used to tell me about the grand time my mom and dad were having in heaven.

Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything. And the main thing that I used to believe was that I would be with you forever. Forever. The reason it has taken me so long to write to you is that I see that I have been a fool. I’ve spent my life fooling myself.

Every letter I’ve ever written to you has been a love letter. How could they have been anything else? I can see now that all of them except this one were bad love letters. Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing. This, I’m pleased to announce is my first good love letter to you because there is nothing more for you to do. You’ve already done everything. I have enough of you in my head to last forever. So please don’t ever worry about me. I’m peachy. I really am. I have everything.

If I had one wish it would be that your life brings you a taste of the happiness you have brought to me. That you can feel what it’s like to love.

Your friend forever,

Will

Why the letter? Okay, when I was in nursery (I assume) I was bullied by a Turkish boy who loves to steal all my well-sharpened pencils! He never wants me to write or at least wants me to hold any of my pencil that is! He makes sure that he grabs my pencil case and to my surprise left me nothing but a black crayola (now, who does want to use a crayola?). My Mother would scold me whenever she opened the case and viola – all of my pencils were nowhere to be found! I can’t fully explain to her since I myself could not understand why this certain boy would do such a thing to me! Needless to say that whenever recess is up next, he’ll offer me something to munch, the nerve! But clueless to a thought or even two, I was not pleased with the behavior at all. Mondays were such a dragged that I hate going to school. I had to put up with “sickness syndrome” just for me to have a legit excuse! School is cool? Yeah, thought so, but that “ugly” part I was in? Total turn off! And the least good thing to be in was to seat beside this Turkish boy! That’s when I realized I “hate” boys! So hating would somehow stop me from mingling with such complex creature but it didn’t, in grade school it got worse! School days was referred to as “exile days” as it seems to wreck havoc (on any given day), okay, I’ll spell it for you: I love to sing and when Music is up next, I literally wanted to scream (thus by far the best time of the day or so I thought!) but each time my classmates would demand that I render them a playlist of songs and sing it out loud, I could not remember if there was a single time I said no since grades and singing were almost synonymous! And that was the problem! Boys would just go out and get “flowers” in the garden and hand it over to me! I reckoned speechless given that malice and I haven’t met at a very young age. Lame excuse? I always hide inside the toilet! It was way too “ugly” for me not to have a single decent conversation with boys. I got stuck in the rut! I never had the chance to face it squarely which haunted me dearly for years, the thought kills me! But the mess turned out to be one of the BEST parts of my life. I had to accept I am not an island thus living with another complex-creature is a must. I had to be broken to see the beauty in it (relationship). I was way too sheltered away from boys that they are indeed amazing beings! The fear of getting to know them even more sprung from childhood that gave way till I was a teeny. The nightmare that beckons me all throughout the years were just a pile of lies making a delusion of the deem truth. I had to undergo repetitive not so good cycles that touch the very core of me (I won’t claim I know better now) but I can boldly say I know myself MORE than ever. I am the BEST ME – even when I am surrounded in a room full of boys (matured ones).

Going back to the attached letter, I know it takes a lot of courage to say the most important things in life and so does a man needs to tell you how he truly feels… Don’t worry, this time I promise I won’t run away and hide. I honor a man who takes slim chance of his entire lifetime, risk everything and drive home his point.

I leave you with this song from the movie: Waiting for forever

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