bein aimy

lifestyle guru-wannabe, a fierce woman who is after her dreams – living it out, who loves to travel, basking a kiss of heaven, self-made, multi-tasker, loves RDJ (who doesn't?) and ultimately a firm believer of the Sought-After!

blackpool, baby!!

barefooted...

barefooted…

“Sometimes, in the midst of nor’ easter might, shoreline’s left nothing but a picture of total havoc, leaving the pristine coastline a smudge of mess. Yet when the same body of water recurs, this time more calm and at peace expunge unpleasant muddles thus making the water-edge immaculately perfect, allowing no traces of austerity, just utter madness called beauty. ” -Beloved

shoreline

shoreline

sand and sun-kissed skin!

sand and sun-kissed skin!

the tower

the tower

grateful. happy. blessed. favored. loved.

grateful. happy. blessed. favored. loved.

made it through the rain!

made it through the rain!

sweet reality

sweet reality

hitting two birds with one stone – bank holiday Monday and mate’s birthday only in Blackpool!

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32

the yummy kiamy cake!

the yummy kiamy cake!

I am officially 32! Yay! Some say, it is ‘decision age’, ‘do or die’, ‘between life and death’, ‘clock is ticking’, ‘strike while the iron is hot’ but to me, it’s just numbers, combined to present a matter so important and larger than life. Yes, I am 32 and the age seems to agree with me (well, it suits me)! For quite some time, I was thinking (okay, over thinking fits!) about what to write, really. History would have it that I indeed was waiting for this age to come (I can name a few who can testify). I was eager enough to face and embrace the combo that made me smile and realized my life’s journey? Truly beautiful, add the many failures, heartbreaks, setbacks, challenge. On the eve of the 21st, I cry out with immense anticipation of what’s to come, rendered speechless and truly indebted for everything – most especially breathing! Back when dreams emerged as shadows of the future, I was more excited about the age than me, but the latter is somewhat tangible than the mere representation of numbers.

So what does my heart really want? Nothing but the one touch of His favor. Opportunity offers a great deal as I would want to choose however possible it is (forthright, really). But I never wanted an opportunity; I wanted a chance (I happen to love the word), another lease, happy accident, unplanned route, coincidental risk, a serendipitous encounter, unusual stake, once in a blue moon ticket, rare occasion, half timing and the other’s half luck (I can drag almost all the things impossible to define, certainly, but I’d like to drive home my point). I never want the finest things or most of the luxurious treat ever.  No. I still am very simple. If you happen to know me from scratch, you’ll define me as a woman who knows value not on the outside but deep within. I may exude finesse but it’s because that’s me. Subtlety me. No excuses, games and promos. Something has changed (that’s true) but future, the only thing that remains just as the same is my core – you can’t change it since that’s when I had the best, most awful mess I was in to deserve this very moment, for I am FULLY PERSUADED. I say No, for a BIG YES real SOON!

Random thoughts:

Since this age is beyond meaningful I started a Grateful Jar to be filled with good-happy thoughts every single moment of my life. Like a stranger who just hands me crisps in a bus, saving my angry tummy from serious trouble or a good talk with someone I missed mucho. Perhaps a letter or a surprise call. I want to remind myself how each moment pass without me failing to acknowledge it. The Jar is renewed each year as my birthday comes and will read everything on the eve of the 21st of April.

Grateful Jar

Grateful Jar

So what’s inside?

some goody things worth to be remembered!

some goody things worth to be remembered!

And for today? A gift all the way from Switzerland!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

32.1

From Rocille and Peach! A card and swiss chocs! love the bugs as well!

So, cheers 32! I have been waiting for you! You made my heart beat again!

Xoxo,

Beloved

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Beautiful MESS

As 32 is looming (really excited) and words won’t count how grateful I am for EVERYTHING, I’ll start by saying that in life there are things meant not to be beautiful in the surface (rough-ugly kinda thingy). But that what makes life really beautiful! Here’s some of the “not so beautiful in me” things: (this is just one of the many, really) 😉

1.)    The exactness of things are sometimes measured in terms of birth month and since I’m in no way put-up kid when I was little, (weird that all my childhood friends went normally capable of being in nursery at the age of 4, I was caught in the middle of nowhere since then) due to my age being “not so beautiful” I skipped kindergarten, I was kinda half and half age. So what happened to grades 1, 2 and 3? Visitor! Smart? No, not really. Visitor means cleaning the mess, simply put – blackboard, eraser, and toilet even if I’m not the assigned cleaner of the day! But since I was attending school religiously, my teacher merited me but the downside? READING. Sure, I know what words are but I haven’t had much of  what others are into, in my mind I was just playing in the classroom, let alone, sing (yeah, since then, they’ve been asking me to sing any song, I should be a great performer because of such experience). But the drag of things didn’t come handy when I reached 5th grade! Though I was not bullied not being able to read well, my Mom took it upon herself to discipline me, hence I had to spend summer practicing reading with my oh-so-good-to-perfection-teacher a.k.a my mom! She has to put up every single chore in advance so we can have reading and comprehension type of bonding! Wow, imagine all my friends playing outside and I was tortured with reading plus writing paragraphs! Not to make mention the lengthy vocabulary, comprehension and using it in a sentence! Talking about sheer-unadulterated time with one of my fave subjects – English! But that ugly mess made me who I am today. I vividly remember when I was in high school I wouldn’t leave the house without a 5 new found friends also called fresh words! Well, I wrote it in a piece of paper and later on, use it in a sentence. My love for words went beyond years that I instantly fell in love with books. I even wrote little nothings in tissue papers even in news papers when random thoughts came flushing in (hey, I can’t put it on hold).  That said, when I was 18, I started my journal and had this intimate relationship that is still pretty much going on til this day! I have this huge box at home where I put all my knick knacks in! The ugly mess was in truth a fuel for me to work on with the help of my number one fan – Mom!

So the simple truth? Ugly mess can turn into beauty only if you let things happen. Under the crucible of what seems to be grueling and painful or even tiring, you let life squeeze out the very best in you. As coined by someone wise, “Pain brought about by such intense love makes sacrifice sacred.”

I’ll soon add another “ugly thing”, including boys (oh, that’s a what?) hahahaha. Tarah for now! I leave you with this song by Gungor!

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I love you to the moon and back, Mudz!

amazed at the world's wonder - Palawan underground river!

amazed at the world’s wonder – Palawan underground river!

I still remember the day when you held my hand and told me, “You are my lucky charm!” I was smiling from ear to ear hearing just that. I was a kid and although for certain I do not know what it meant exactly, I seem to notice it must be pleasing as you’ve said the words happily! As the years went, I don’t have to prove anything to you – anymore. You have seen the best (the VERY best is still ahead of me)  and the not-so-good-in-me, yet your love never fail to see me through the years. Growing up, you knew I have GREAT-CRAZY dreams to chase and conquer – you are ever present since day one! Such support, love and encouragement a daughter can have from a Mother is expected but yours is totally different, you’ve raised the bar higher of which I am FOREVER GRATEFUL to the Creator who made you! You’re SELFLESS-ENDURING love went as far as hell just so I can experience heaven again! When I was stuck in nowhere, you warmly extended your hand for me to reach it, an immeasurable act indeed! You always go out of your way to meet my needs! You have planted a seed in me of honoring the One I can never live without and thus having a sweet-loving relationship with Him! Your sacrifices is way too evident I am always addicted to it do for others, too! Credit must go to the teacher who taught the lesson well for behind this smiling face is a skillful-patient Mother who taught me how to read well even if I am tempted to just go out of the house and play! You never gave up on me! Your faith anchored me when dark clouds appear, the same reason shows how values instilled in me beyond the nurturing years has passed. You are stern in discipline of which I am so proud that I have become who I am today because you never cease to tell me what’s right from wrong. You’re gentle hands soothes any aching part of my body – you are my forever masseur!  When you’re near, discomfort disappears – such mothering is so overwhelming, it always reassures me to be the BEST that I can be! You are my number one fan, sitting in the front pew whenever I am called to bear witness of His love (even if you have heard it for the nth time). And still my number one cheerer when I give birth to an out-of-this-world-ideas! Your blessing has paved the way to go places that I have never been to! Your relationship with Papi is so great that blessed my life so much with love! Your love never disappoints me! A heart so cheerful that honoring my needs more than your own is never an issue! A gracious woman I am forever in debt with! I am so proud that you waited for nine-long months for me to see the world! A healthy eater like no other who loves to walk the talk!

Today as you turn a year older by number, I wish you the BEST comfort the world can ever give you – for nothing beats your comfort (may it be food (the BEST beef steak ever), caress, prayers, love and attention). I wish you laughter you can’t contain you are going to burst – for I cannot afford if I’ll see you frown. I wish you a heart full of Joy – knowing that our time is in His hands. I wish you love – for love beats stronger than the distance we are in. I wish you the pink of health always – for no worries can disrupt the kind of faith you keep, Mudz! I wish you MORE in life SOON – travel, grandkids, growing old gracefully and keeping an attitude of gratitude always for everything! I am not your lucky charm; I am ALWAYS BLESSED to have a Mother: so COOL. LOVING. WHO BELIEVES IN ME. PATIENT. KIND HEARTED. HELPFUL. HUMBLE. FORGIVING. UNDERSTANDING. GRATEFUL. ANOINTED. FOCUSED. DISCIPLINED. SECURED. RESTORED. HEALTHY. BEAUTIFUL inside and out. CHEERFUL. SELFLESS. And most of all – whose oozing love always seem to overflow!

P.S. I love you to the moon and back, Mudz! (I haven’t been to the moon but I’ve heard it’s really far so is my love can’t be measured by any circumstance and luck).

with the bratty zeke!

with the bratty zeke!

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Birth-Month

yeah, it's me!

yeah, it’s me!

 

It’s half past 2 am and the idea of writing just kicked in (in the middle of an unadulterated sleep!). Call it crazy but I can’t stop and do it some other time thingy. The need to put this through is a must, a contemplation that needs rest in as much as it renders true peace deep within. I am not convincing myself as far as I am fully aware of the time (needless to say the assignments been nagging: “what about me?”), but brain waves’ level consumes me, so inscribe I must. I know, it’s just the 1st of March! Shall I carry on? Shush, everyone is sleeping soundly.

Yay! It’s my birth month (okay, almost) and the thrill (totally delighted) to finally be 32 is really nerve rocking! There is something about this age that brings clearer thought on things – ME, a living creature that seems to see God-dreams came to pass. You see, when I was in my 20’s, I have some giddy philosophy reaching the much anticipated year (32). I know for some certain reasons, 32 is something. Now, that something is not just pleasing or plain lashings of sweet start overs, because heck no, please don’t consider the fact that 20’s wasn’t doing me oh so good, the point is, 30’s simply why 20’s rocked! Back then, one can know why I was so fragile, skinny, always in thought, idealist, well-mannered, naïve, afraid, living in comfort, dives in subtle happiness, I didn’t have margin of errors, immaculately weird, serious (hey, everyone does, but mine’s really uncontrolled! I sweat most of the stuffs, THERE!), fun was defined differently. Simply put – breathing in a box. Sure, I was travelling. I had fun on things in a massive way. I’ve enjoyed sceneries beyond imagination. I’ve LOVED, really loved. I’ve seek answers that lingers most often. But I was limited – in thoughts, words (okay, count the what?) and deeds. The need of fresh air was highly significant, hence catapults me into where I am NOW. The journey is priceless. But the need of pain is directly proportional as well. I would’ve realized such biggie dreams without the tremendous pain I have been through (gosh, I am not writing about pain, just saying!). I have such great dreams written in my heart, it’s just that, I never had the time to figure it out because of the word comfort. I was soothingly surviving in my nook. A thing I am defo afraid if I walk on waters, a matter I am surely scared to traverse. But a still small voice nudged me. At 29, I created my bucket/dirt list (sure do, I have a list back then, it was nothing but absolute flattery (for flattery is beneath me now). I totally scream when it reached 101, thus the title 101 dreams! And the amazing part? I made it less than a day! My heart has ached for such a long period of time to just sit down and have the courage to write it. After all, courage was not a friend that time (I am oblivious of the fact that courage has been courting me all throughout the years!). 3 years have gone by and when I checked my dirt list, a wave of relief washed over me. I mean, not all but MOST of them? Ticked off! The pang of child birth is still on though, so I’m good! Hahahaha. So, what am I really telling you? Aside from the fact that I just spilled highly classified info (my age that is!), not for me to get a month advance greetings, but persuaded that 32 will prove me just right (my intuition and what my heart truly beats!). I have longed for you 32, I’d be more than willing to fit you into me. I am counting the days ‘til I met you, 32! Only then my cup of joy is filled, mostly on thoughts of you!

My partner seem to be jealous, I need to sneak in (it’s half past 4am and the need to hit the sheets is breaking in.) oh, my partner? BED and a very comfy duvet! Goodnight. Sweetest of dreams!

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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Today, let me honor a person who touched and painted my life with vibrant colors in contrasting hues and playfully entwined it with his simple yet radical act of love!

IMG-0327

To the man I so love and deeply cherish all my life! Here’s to you…
The laugh lines… Best represents the joys and utter amazement he expressed all throughout his lifetime. Including the times I made him so happy, his lacrimal glands are best exercised! The day I was born tops the list! Am, include the day he married my mother!

The rough hands used to cradle me when I was small and fragile yet the same hands that mold me into who I am NOW. The very hands that accepts me as who I am, regardless of the mistakes I did. The most amazing hands that holds me when clouds of doubt assails and the constant hands that celebrates every victories I have had!

The lines around his eyes shows compassion in an annoyance of what my future holds. Wrinkle’s are of no match with his faith and hope floats when he smells desperation in an inconvenient approach! He is by the way my partner in C.I.A. We investigate things and our instincts proved to be just right!

The robust arms that serves me in the good times and ever ready to catch me when I’m at my worst. A smooth driver that demands nothing but my smile! An always on-the-go Father that won’t say NO to all my craziness (even if the inevitable is in the surface!) I can’t accuse him, though; His love is crazier over my craziness!

The tone of voice convinced me that I am loved, indeed. The unchanged tone when something is not so pleasant, which makes him the master of calmness! A truly patient man who waits for me to wake up and have brunch with me even if he already had his caffeine fixed early on.

The look in the eye speaks truth to behold. Nothing can convey an abyss of understanding when he looks at you in a manner that one longs to have. For no words can further squeeze out a complete assurance of love than his loving gaze!

The man whose heart never grew weary of loving the (sometimes) unlovable me! I can’t surpassed the number of times you have blot out my offences!

The one man I can always run and cry my heart out for just anything! Crushes, dreams, goals, current events, politics and most especially spirituality. I can never fathom your wisdom!

The man who taught me discipline be on time – arriving real early and leaving late. Being prepared at all times. And giving the BEST of who I am!

The very person whose blessing I long to hear before I start my day! He’s also the same person who greets me when I arrived home safely!
The best friend who never refuses to stay up with me in the mundane hours of my life – sharing, encouraging and best of all just being there – silent yet truly breaching and thus brings comfort in dire times.

The only person who sees me beautiful in all the mess I have made, he never disregard calling me beautiful even if I am the most horrible person he has come across with!

A selfless man who support my dreams and is willing to chase it with me! His support and prayers? Endless; it causes favors to land directly at my doorstep!

The one man who knows if I’m deeply hurt, his embrace and words will boost me to face the future with a smile on my face! A man who never lets me down. Who pulls me out from the cupboard and tells me: “Even if they left you, I vow to stay- ALWAYS!” The reason I never give up on my dreams!

These are just mere words – cold and flat, for you definitely deserved more than that! Happy birthday to the man I truly love beyond life! Iloveyoumore-Papi! Stay blessed, healthy and really happy! I’m so proud to be your daughter!

Your FOREVER BABY,
Kiamy 😉

here’s our song:

make you feel my love

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