bein aimy

lifestyle guru-wannabe, a fierce woman who is after her dreams – living it out, who loves to travel, basking a kiss of heaven, self-made, multi-tasker, loves RDJ (who doesn't?) and ultimately a firm believer of the Sought-After!

YOU <3

Romanced...

Romanced…

Dear YOU,

“I will find you… No matter how long it takes, no matter how far – I will find you.” – Nathaniel to Cora in the Last of the Mohicans

I have been knocked down and yes, flipping the page wasn’t in the plan yet I know deep down I must. Sorry if it took long enough to have the courage and write YOU but I want to honor your faithfulness – waiting only for me.

I had not known courage and perseverance such as yours and of which I am deliberately charmed. You went every mile, crossed any roads, swam, climbed top of a hill only to find me. For YOU are a man whose words and actions simply abide in truth. A sweet gesture sure to make me smile.

You never had me at hello – for since I braved goodbye you were there unmoved. Lo and behold, you had me at that jiffy. I am one blessed woman as to have you is just a dream turn into a beautiful surrender of reality.

By the time we’ve met, these words aren’t equipped fully to embody you – for you are way beyond my imagination and dreams. Still, my heart desires to meet YOU as it beats solitarily with unalloyed joy in the existence of a soul I dearly sought.

Space, distance, time, place and even circumstances I do know not as our encounter erases the length of time lag for YOU to ultimately hold my hand. I’ll celebrate in a million-fun ways of being YOU!

There is nothing I don’t love about YOU. As I am imperfectly perfect for YOU. Nothing in life has prepared me for this only that such faithfulness is rewarded with a thing called – YOU.

YOU truly are a touch of HIS favor and it leaves me with awe, indeed. Indebtedness as my heart swells with loud beats to the One who sent YOU. I am FOREVERMORE grateful!

Here’s the song I have been singing (seasons after seasons) ‘til this saccharine-full day:

Completely smitten,

ME

P.S. See you real SOON!

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A letter (at last!)

from Pinterest

from Pinterest

 

Beloved,

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Happy. I honor how you find miserable things as source of profound happiness. I always am curious on your views; it’s weird, huge and defo crazy. But I never would have thought horrendous things makes someone (the most likely you) be ever so happy. You find it all wrapped up with blessings, I guess. But that’s just You – you never like a glass that’s half empty or half full for you knew way better than filling it up more. I don’t have to wonder why happiness chases you whenever your names’ echoed in a far bit distance.  Your laughter is even worst! I mean in a very good way, it erupts like volcano and is highly infectious! Ever wonder why? Because even when you make mistakes (when it’s pretty obvious) you simply go nuts with laughter! You simply reverberates ripples of joy that truly warms the heart. The reason why you are grateful.

Grateful. I know your mantra – ‘Always be thankful’. But have you whined because you didn’t get your way? I don’t ever think you did for your heart’s always massive to accept things even if it didn’t fit in the picture. I find it pretty clever how you accept things you can’t change. You know deep well the basics! Finding it more easy to be grateful than nothing and is always appreciative of everything. Nothing can go wrong with a thankful heart; your detour is THE TOUR as you fondly say for you are fully persuaded.  Thus has caused you to be favored and blessed.

Favored and Blessed.

You get the most in life and enjoy as thus saying that you are pleased with life itself. I am further than happy to see you smile whenever a shift was turn for your favor. A masterpiece indeed to know that you breathe in such profound goodness with shut eyes. There is no absolute word to depict the sight only that it swells my heart in more love of you. It is of no surprise why you are highly favored – for you know what honor meant and sincerely do so and for that I am forever drawn to you – completely and willfully. (more of every minute, every second of every day thingy! I’m floored –really.) And so you are irreversibly loved!

Loved.

This is so you. You breathe like it. Sing like it. Work like it. Do things like it. Dance like it. Speak like it. I don’t know a thing you wouldn’t do for love – for love begets you of superlative quality. But I want you to know that beyond who you are, you are loved. That love will go out of its way to find you. Hug you. Kiss you. Talk with you, for you are made out of love. The reason you are (in no doubt) LOVED, Beloved. You and love are synonymously fit – glued together to respond a call to love fully and truly, for you cannot give less of what you are made of. I am ever so proud of your heart! And even swollen with pride marveling how you love. It’s always you. You, who have become love and loving it. Your heart never fails to beat for love – through love. Know that you are forever loved.

Your ever patient man (who is madly in love with you),

 

Love, xoxo

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Gone South for the Orange-kinda-thingy! (I mean, Orange – the new tan!)

Hey, I’m not going to talk about  love, not now. Let’s save that later! What I’m furiously edgy about? ORANGE!!!

Being the beach-y type, I reckon the day I can freely swim minus the glaring heat of the sun! But as I’ve realized, Sun can never hurt you not unless you let it!

So, going down South was the natural thing like ABC or 1,2,3! But to say the long ride and glitches here and there is joyful, I have learned to be grateful! You can never appreciate the destination without having to enjoy the journey!

Time to spill some beans! On our way to Cornwall, I happened to meet a guy – well, accidentally. I was seating next to him, a thing I can never changed. The thought of sleep hovered me since 7 hours drive is daunting and as soon as I force to close my eyes, my seatmate just blurted, “I do apologise for the inconvenience I may cause you, but can I just pop in my bag in the cabin?” To lessen the guilt, he then invited me to watch a movie with his MacAir, he even asked me what do I fancy to watch. To my mind, I just want a nice sleep – uninterrupted. As I was about to say No, he asked if ‘Olympus has fallen’ is a must-watch, I simply said, ‘have it a go!’ And came the unnerving part that we need to share earphones plus the fact that I need to hold the other end of his Mac! Talking about rest, indeed! To forgive him of his demeanor in whisking myself to dreamland, I agreed and I hate to be rude. I managed to watch for 30mins said my thank yous when toilet pangs hit everyone including myself. To Matt – thank you for sharing your lappy with me! I only got to sleep for an hour or so since other Pinoys are inviting us for a drink (seriously? Inside the coach?)

Going back to what my heart skips a beat…

I sorely missed the mighty voice of ocean waves, soft birds singing in the morning and even the smell of heat plus the fact that I badly craved for the sand that comfort my feet telling me ‘I am home’! Forgive the ever-so-romantic-part-in-me but I can’t help it, I love the beach! And so soaking in the warmth of the sun wasn’t bad after all! Living here, you’re going to pray that the sun will eventually come out as soon as you wake up so getting Orange-y is a feeling of me being home at long last!

how can you say no to that?

how can you say no to that?

I'm wearing the smile you gave!!

I’m wearing the smile you gave!!

breathtakingly awesome!

breathtakingly awesome!

You have bewitched me - body and soul!

You have bewitched me – body and soul!

living life to the fullest!

living life to the fullest!

...take me to the beach, will you?

…take me to the beach, will you?

O.O. Officially Oranged!

O.O. Officially Oranged!

fully persuaded!

fully persuaded!

the house by the sea

the house by the sea

floored by ocean's wave of goodbye!

floored by ocean’s wave of goodbye!

Newquay, I have deeply fallen for you! ❤

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Where was I?

The long hiatus is (I guess over?) or FINALLY DONE. Well, to say that College has got the best of me is truly an understatement since it was a month ago(?). Oopps. So what’s with the in betweens? Went on a Holiday, Work (I mean massive work!) To say that I truly am sorry is never an excuse (it’s not that I owe you some explanation of why the universe suddenly changed its course, blah-blah and more blah). It is because I, the writer miss EVERYONE. It’s like knowing when you need air to breathe in and knows that only way to do so is to exhale. You, being the air play a significant yet very subtle role in this space of mine.  You let me expand my horizon into a dimension I am almost never willing to discover, in short, you are FRIEND – who waits ever so dearly to read and respond.  So to catch up reading, here’s what happened:

COLLEGE:

I majorly was the happiest person to even know College is over! No ASSIGNMENTS! To think of introductions, argument and conclusion was the BEST part but needless to say, the art of saying goodbye to mates I have known for 2 years was also bittersweet! College did me oh-so-good! Discipline, focus and a lot of hard work means only one thing – DIPLOMA!

huge thanks, Bournville!

huge thanks, Bournville!

TRAVEL:

Because a very dear friend is going back home, we (the awesome 4some) decided a detour! This time to the Amazing Stonehenge, bath and Windsor Castle! We did it! I mean we got to slept with total Italian strangers!

at Trafulgar Square!

at Trafulgar Square!

the Epic fall of Inna at Buckingham Palace!

the Epic fall of Inna at Buckingham Palace!

at the very posh bath!

at the very posh bath!

at the amazing Stonehenge!

at the amazing Stonehenge!

SENDING OFF PARTY FOR INNA:

This crazy woman (I say crazy because she is the epitome of the BEST lunatic EVER created in this world! And missing her doesn’t count because it only adds to the fact that she annoyingly does the BEST tease ever – without me defenselessly trying to fly to the moon whenever she  concedes in nothing but what seems to be a sweet banter!)

inna banana!

inna banana!

WORK:

This I will say consumes EVERYTHING thus far. And I mean my time; it’s not a pretty lame excuse, after all I’m VERY back!

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7 year itch

the art of saying goodbye is leaving without regrets

the art of saying goodbye is leaving without regrets

 

I am not referring to a marital relationship that seems to have another meaning (infidelity). I am (in all honesty) in reference to a gap. A space that would defo bridge what had happened in the past. It could also mean a cycle called mess I was in. 7 long years. Was it worth it? Deep in my heart a resounding YES is the answer! Did I really move on? In my best effort, yes, well it wasn’t until I was presented by a thought so provoking that I begun to ask myself certain questions. I was eagerly waiting to watch “see girl run”, the trailer did something that needs further analysis on my part (no, I am not writing a movie rev just yet because the truth of the matter is, the point I am hoping to address is much more important than the movie, though I can say, the movie’s main objective – that is for me to realize something larger than life, an answer I was waiting for 7 years put in a much creative way).

How do you break up with someone who is not even responding? Will you just go ahead, forget the past and have it a go? Or will you try countless of times until you no longer need to fill in the void? Or in my case, I left an open wound, a fresh scar that further needs tending.

“The most obvious important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about.” – David Foster Wallace

Was I living a quasi-moving on life? Not really, but this I know – an unfathomable missing piece I was in search of was in a place called nowhere (finding nowhere is the most difficult of all since address and name of the place will never get you done, you’re left even without clue).

How could one define moving on without being deprived of the truth one so deserved? Sometimes you learn not to fight over things, because you know BEST things come after it.

Is holding on an appropriate way to justify and merit such actions? I believed it does.  If in the event of how things fall into its proper place, you can’t question or even demand for things in your favor, because pain will never be sacred. By pain, I mean, you will never try to grow (leave your comfort zone, walk on waters), stretch who you are (character), be with yourself (you know what you want in life, no one’s going to dictate you), define you (you can’t pull off another individual just to be liked or loved), laugh until you cry (where you don’t create life dramas and I think it comes in age, too), trust and believe again (even when it’s the hardest thing of all, you just do it), and eventually – let your heart beat again (learn to love again). I believe divine delays are venerable. I am just way too happy; my middle name is spelled PATIENCE. I mean, 7 years is SEVEN YEARS.

 

sarah kay

sarah kay

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32

the yummy kiamy cake!

the yummy kiamy cake!

I am officially 32! Yay! Some say, it is ‘decision age’, ‘do or die’, ‘between life and death’, ‘clock is ticking’, ‘strike while the iron is hot’ but to me, it’s just numbers, combined to present a matter so important and larger than life. Yes, I am 32 and the age seems to agree with me (well, it suits me)! For quite some time, I was thinking (okay, over thinking fits!) about what to write, really. History would have it that I indeed was waiting for this age to come (I can name a few who can testify). I was eager enough to face and embrace the combo that made me smile and realized my life’s journey? Truly beautiful, add the many failures, heartbreaks, setbacks, challenge. On the eve of the 21st, I cry out with immense anticipation of what’s to come, rendered speechless and truly indebted for everything – most especially breathing! Back when dreams emerged as shadows of the future, I was more excited about the age than me, but the latter is somewhat tangible than the mere representation of numbers.

So what does my heart really want? Nothing but the one touch of His favor. Opportunity offers a great deal as I would want to choose however possible it is (forthright, really). But I never wanted an opportunity; I wanted a chance (I happen to love the word), another lease, happy accident, unplanned route, coincidental risk, a serendipitous encounter, unusual stake, once in a blue moon ticket, rare occasion, half timing and the other’s half luck (I can drag almost all the things impossible to define, certainly, but I’d like to drive home my point). I never want the finest things or most of the luxurious treat ever.  No. I still am very simple. If you happen to know me from scratch, you’ll define me as a woman who knows value not on the outside but deep within. I may exude finesse but it’s because that’s me. Subtlety me. No excuses, games and promos. Something has changed (that’s true) but future, the only thing that remains just as the same is my core – you can’t change it since that’s when I had the best, most awful mess I was in to deserve this very moment, for I am FULLY PERSUADED. I say No, for a BIG YES real SOON!

Random thoughts:

Since this age is beyond meaningful I started a Grateful Jar to be filled with good-happy thoughts every single moment of my life. Like a stranger who just hands me crisps in a bus, saving my angry tummy from serious trouble or a good talk with someone I missed mucho. Perhaps a letter or a surprise call. I want to remind myself how each moment pass without me failing to acknowledge it. The Jar is renewed each year as my birthday comes and will read everything on the eve of the 21st of April.

Grateful Jar

Grateful Jar

So what’s inside?

some goody things worth to be remembered!

some goody things worth to be remembered!

And for today? A gift all the way from Switzerland!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

32.1

From Rocille and Peach! A card and swiss chocs! love the bugs as well!

So, cheers 32! I have been waiting for you! You made my heart beat again!

Xoxo,

Beloved

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Beautiful MESS (BOYS Edition)

from tumblr

from tumblr

As promised! But before zooming into the meat of this account, let me first share a TGIF-slightly-feel-good-movie-line from “Waiting for forever” (Will’s letter to Emma):

Dear Emma,

Those two words “Dear Emma” take me away to another time when we used to write to each other after Mom and Dad died. I used to tell you about my new friends and my new life. And you used to tell me about the grand time my mom and dad were having in heaven.

Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything. And the main thing that I used to believe was that I would be with you forever. Forever. The reason it has taken me so long to write to you is that I see that I have been a fool. I’ve spent my life fooling myself.

Every letter I’ve ever written to you has been a love letter. How could they have been anything else? I can see now that all of them except this one were bad love letters. Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing. This, I’m pleased to announce is my first good love letter to you because there is nothing more for you to do. You’ve already done everything. I have enough of you in my head to last forever. So please don’t ever worry about me. I’m peachy. I really am. I have everything.

If I had one wish it would be that your life brings you a taste of the happiness you have brought to me. That you can feel what it’s like to love.

Your friend forever,

Will

Why the letter? Okay, when I was in nursery (I assume) I was bullied by a Turkish boy who loves to steal all my well-sharpened pencils! He never wants me to write or at least wants me to hold any of my pencil that is! He makes sure that he grabs my pencil case and to my surprise left me nothing but a black crayola (now, who does want to use a crayola?). My Mother would scold me whenever she opened the case and viola – all of my pencils were nowhere to be found! I can’t fully explain to her since I myself could not understand why this certain boy would do such a thing to me! Needless to say that whenever recess is up next, he’ll offer me something to munch, the nerve! But clueless to a thought or even two, I was not pleased with the behavior at all. Mondays were such a dragged that I hate going to school. I had to put up with “sickness syndrome” just for me to have a legit excuse! School is cool? Yeah, thought so, but that “ugly” part I was in? Total turn off! And the least good thing to be in was to seat beside this Turkish boy! That’s when I realized I “hate” boys! So hating would somehow stop me from mingling with such complex creature but it didn’t, in grade school it got worse! School days was referred to as “exile days” as it seems to wreck havoc (on any given day), okay, I’ll spell it for you: I love to sing and when Music is up next, I literally wanted to scream (thus by far the best time of the day or so I thought!) but each time my classmates would demand that I render them a playlist of songs and sing it out loud, I could not remember if there was a single time I said no since grades and singing were almost synonymous! And that was the problem! Boys would just go out and get “flowers” in the garden and hand it over to me! I reckoned speechless given that malice and I haven’t met at a very young age. Lame excuse? I always hide inside the toilet! It was way too “ugly” for me not to have a single decent conversation with boys. I got stuck in the rut! I never had the chance to face it squarely which haunted me dearly for years, the thought kills me! But the mess turned out to be one of the BEST parts of my life. I had to accept I am not an island thus living with another complex-creature is a must. I had to be broken to see the beauty in it (relationship). I was way too sheltered away from boys that they are indeed amazing beings! The fear of getting to know them even more sprung from childhood that gave way till I was a teeny. The nightmare that beckons me all throughout the years were just a pile of lies making a delusion of the deem truth. I had to undergo repetitive not so good cycles that touch the very core of me (I won’t claim I know better now) but I can boldly say I know myself MORE than ever. I am the BEST ME – even when I am surrounded in a room full of boys (matured ones).

Going back to the attached letter, I know it takes a lot of courage to say the most important things in life and so does a man needs to tell you how he truly feels… Don’t worry, this time I promise I won’t run away and hide. I honor a man who takes slim chance of his entire lifetime, risk everything and drive home his point.

I leave you with this song from the movie: Waiting for forever

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Beautiful MESS

As 32 is looming (really excited) and words won’t count how grateful I am for EVERYTHING, I’ll start by saying that in life there are things meant not to be beautiful in the surface (rough-ugly kinda thingy). But that what makes life really beautiful! Here’s some of the “not so beautiful in me” things: (this is just one of the many, really) 😉

1.)    The exactness of things are sometimes measured in terms of birth month and since I’m in no way put-up kid when I was little, (weird that all my childhood friends went normally capable of being in nursery at the age of 4, I was caught in the middle of nowhere since then) due to my age being “not so beautiful” I skipped kindergarten, I was kinda half and half age. So what happened to grades 1, 2 and 3? Visitor! Smart? No, not really. Visitor means cleaning the mess, simply put – blackboard, eraser, and toilet even if I’m not the assigned cleaner of the day! But since I was attending school religiously, my teacher merited me but the downside? READING. Sure, I know what words are but I haven’t had much of  what others are into, in my mind I was just playing in the classroom, let alone, sing (yeah, since then, they’ve been asking me to sing any song, I should be a great performer because of such experience). But the drag of things didn’t come handy when I reached 5th grade! Though I was not bullied not being able to read well, my Mom took it upon herself to discipline me, hence I had to spend summer practicing reading with my oh-so-good-to-perfection-teacher a.k.a my mom! She has to put up every single chore in advance so we can have reading and comprehension type of bonding! Wow, imagine all my friends playing outside and I was tortured with reading plus writing paragraphs! Not to make mention the lengthy vocabulary, comprehension and using it in a sentence! Talking about sheer-unadulterated time with one of my fave subjects – English! But that ugly mess made me who I am today. I vividly remember when I was in high school I wouldn’t leave the house without a 5 new found friends also called fresh words! Well, I wrote it in a piece of paper and later on, use it in a sentence. My love for words went beyond years that I instantly fell in love with books. I even wrote little nothings in tissue papers even in news papers when random thoughts came flushing in (hey, I can’t put it on hold).  That said, when I was 18, I started my journal and had this intimate relationship that is still pretty much going on til this day! I have this huge box at home where I put all my knick knacks in! The ugly mess was in truth a fuel for me to work on with the help of my number one fan – Mom!

So the simple truth? Ugly mess can turn into beauty only if you let things happen. Under the crucible of what seems to be grueling and painful or even tiring, you let life squeeze out the very best in you. As coined by someone wise, “Pain brought about by such intense love makes sacrifice sacred.”

I’ll soon add another “ugly thing”, including boys (oh, that’s a what?) hahahaha. Tarah for now! I leave you with this song by Gungor!

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Merida the Brave finally meets the thousand old – Oxford!

My feet’s been itching to land to a place where cool and smart can defo live together. As such, when you happen to see Oxford you can tell that it exist (the cool and smart combo!). A no brainer would sell the place out to be sure! Plus you’ll suddenly feel cool and smart once you hit the crowd! It’s absolutely contagious minus the sum of quid you ought to pay for a term! Worth a visit!

So, Merida decided to visit Oxford! Mind you, she got the hair done and do add up the pack of awesome goofiness/harlem shakers! Sorry, I can’t include the latter (Harlem Shake vid) due to some highly classified infos, am, no. Not the one in your mind (pretty wholesome and really organic) but I can’t post it for the sake of public consumption, hahahaha.

Oxford’s famous not because of nerd-ness or some flashy-intelligent-stude sorta thingy, NO, it’s the way how learning is passed on in a different level. Sure papers are endless, non-stop research and the many other things but that’s a given – it’s Oxford! It’s beyond the name, it’s the people working so hard to play the game well and not choosing to be a mediocre for the rest of their lifetime. It’s like Merida, she is no fool to conquer anything even if what she feared the most is right in front of her, hence she braved EVERYTHING.

Here’s a glimpse of Oxford in the eyes of the brave Merida (opps, that’s me a.k.a curly hair)

thousand old building

thousand old building

03

one of the many libraries!

where bicycles the main transport

where bicycles the main transport

01

threesome

02

foursome

10

curly me!!!

kewl-foursome

kewl-foursome

having a sunny disposition!

having a sunny disposition!

  “There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it. ” – Merida

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Birth-Month

yeah, it's me!

yeah, it’s me!

 

It’s half past 2 am and the idea of writing just kicked in (in the middle of an unadulterated sleep!). Call it crazy but I can’t stop and do it some other time thingy. The need to put this through is a must, a contemplation that needs rest in as much as it renders true peace deep within. I am not convincing myself as far as I am fully aware of the time (needless to say the assignments been nagging: “what about me?”), but brain waves’ level consumes me, so inscribe I must. I know, it’s just the 1st of March! Shall I carry on? Shush, everyone is sleeping soundly.

Yay! It’s my birth month (okay, almost) and the thrill (totally delighted) to finally be 32 is really nerve rocking! There is something about this age that brings clearer thought on things – ME, a living creature that seems to see God-dreams came to pass. You see, when I was in my 20’s, I have some giddy philosophy reaching the much anticipated year (32). I know for some certain reasons, 32 is something. Now, that something is not just pleasing or plain lashings of sweet start overs, because heck no, please don’t consider the fact that 20’s wasn’t doing me oh so good, the point is, 30’s simply why 20’s rocked! Back then, one can know why I was so fragile, skinny, always in thought, idealist, well-mannered, naïve, afraid, living in comfort, dives in subtle happiness, I didn’t have margin of errors, immaculately weird, serious (hey, everyone does, but mine’s really uncontrolled! I sweat most of the stuffs, THERE!), fun was defined differently. Simply put – breathing in a box. Sure, I was travelling. I had fun on things in a massive way. I’ve enjoyed sceneries beyond imagination. I’ve LOVED, really loved. I’ve seek answers that lingers most often. But I was limited – in thoughts, words (okay, count the what?) and deeds. The need of fresh air was highly significant, hence catapults me into where I am NOW. The journey is priceless. But the need of pain is directly proportional as well. I would’ve realized such biggie dreams without the tremendous pain I have been through (gosh, I am not writing about pain, just saying!). I have such great dreams written in my heart, it’s just that, I never had the time to figure it out because of the word comfort. I was soothingly surviving in my nook. A thing I am defo afraid if I walk on waters, a matter I am surely scared to traverse. But a still small voice nudged me. At 29, I created my bucket/dirt list (sure do, I have a list back then, it was nothing but absolute flattery (for flattery is beneath me now). I totally scream when it reached 101, thus the title 101 dreams! And the amazing part? I made it less than a day! My heart has ached for such a long period of time to just sit down and have the courage to write it. After all, courage was not a friend that time (I am oblivious of the fact that courage has been courting me all throughout the years!). 3 years have gone by and when I checked my dirt list, a wave of relief washed over me. I mean, not all but MOST of them? Ticked off! The pang of child birth is still on though, so I’m good! Hahahaha. So, what am I really telling you? Aside from the fact that I just spilled highly classified info (my age that is!), not for me to get a month advance greetings, but persuaded that 32 will prove me just right (my intuition and what my heart truly beats!). I have longed for you 32, I’d be more than willing to fit you into me. I am counting the days ‘til I met you, 32! Only then my cup of joy is filled, mostly on thoughts of you!

My partner seem to be jealous, I need to sneak in (it’s half past 4am and the need to hit the sheets is breaking in.) oh, my partner? BED and a very comfy duvet! Goodnight. Sweetest of dreams!

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