bein aimy

lifestyle guru-wannabe, a fierce woman who is after her dreams – living it out, who loves to travel, basking a kiss of heaven, self-made, multi-tasker, loves RDJ (who doesn't?) and ultimately a firm believer of the Sought-After!

YOU <3

Romanced...

Romanced…

Dear YOU,

“I will find you… No matter how long it takes, no matter how far – I will find you.” – Nathaniel to Cora in the Last of the Mohicans

I have been knocked down and yes, flipping the page wasn’t in the plan yet I know deep down I must. Sorry if it took long enough to have the courage and write YOU but I want to honor your faithfulness – waiting only for me.

I had not known courage and perseverance such as yours and of which I am deliberately charmed. You went every mile, crossed any roads, swam, climbed top of a hill only to find me. For YOU are a man whose words and actions simply abide in truth. A sweet gesture sure to make me smile.

You never had me at hello – for since I braved goodbye you were there unmoved. Lo and behold, you had me at that jiffy. I am one blessed woman as to have you is just a dream turn into a beautiful surrender of reality.

By the time we’ve met, these words aren’t equipped fully to embody you – for you are way beyond my imagination and dreams. Still, my heart desires to meet YOU as it beats solitarily with unalloyed joy in the existence of a soul I dearly sought.

Space, distance, time, place and even circumstances I do know not as our encounter erases the length of time lag for YOU to ultimately hold my hand. I’ll celebrate in a million-fun ways of being YOU!

There is nothing I don’t love about YOU. As I am imperfectly perfect for YOU. Nothing in life has prepared me for this only that such faithfulness is rewarded with a thing called – YOU.

YOU truly are a touch of HIS favor and it leaves me with awe, indeed. Indebtedness as my heart swells with loud beats to the One who sent YOU. I am FOREVERMORE grateful!

Here’s the song I have been singing (seasons after seasons) ‘til this saccharine-full day:

Completely smitten,

ME

P.S. See you real SOON!

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A letter (at last!)

from Pinterest

from Pinterest

 

Beloved,

You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Happy. I honor how you find miserable things as source of profound happiness. I always am curious on your views; it’s weird, huge and defo crazy. But I never would have thought horrendous things makes someone (the most likely you) be ever so happy. You find it all wrapped up with blessings, I guess. But that’s just You – you never like a glass that’s half empty or half full for you knew way better than filling it up more. I don’t have to wonder why happiness chases you whenever your names’ echoed in a far bit distance.  Your laughter is even worst! I mean in a very good way, it erupts like volcano and is highly infectious! Ever wonder why? Because even when you make mistakes (when it’s pretty obvious) you simply go nuts with laughter! You simply reverberates ripples of joy that truly warms the heart. The reason why you are grateful.

Grateful. I know your mantra – ‘Always be thankful’. But have you whined because you didn’t get your way? I don’t ever think you did for your heart’s always massive to accept things even if it didn’t fit in the picture. I find it pretty clever how you accept things you can’t change. You know deep well the basics! Finding it more easy to be grateful than nothing and is always appreciative of everything. Nothing can go wrong with a thankful heart; your detour is THE TOUR as you fondly say for you are fully persuaded.  Thus has caused you to be favored and blessed.

Favored and Blessed.

You get the most in life and enjoy as thus saying that you are pleased with life itself. I am further than happy to see you smile whenever a shift was turn for your favor. A masterpiece indeed to know that you breathe in such profound goodness with shut eyes. There is no absolute word to depict the sight only that it swells my heart in more love of you. It is of no surprise why you are highly favored – for you know what honor meant and sincerely do so and for that I am forever drawn to you – completely and willfully. (more of every minute, every second of every day thingy! I’m floored –really.) And so you are irreversibly loved!

Loved.

This is so you. You breathe like it. Sing like it. Work like it. Do things like it. Dance like it. Speak like it. I don’t know a thing you wouldn’t do for love – for love begets you of superlative quality. But I want you to know that beyond who you are, you are loved. That love will go out of its way to find you. Hug you. Kiss you. Talk with you, for you are made out of love. The reason you are (in no doubt) LOVED, Beloved. You and love are synonymously fit – glued together to respond a call to love fully and truly, for you cannot give less of what you are made of. I am ever so proud of your heart! And even swollen with pride marveling how you love. It’s always you. You, who have become love and loving it. Your heart never fails to beat for love – through love. Know that you are forever loved.

Your ever patient man (who is madly in love with you),

 

Love, xoxo

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Where was I?

The long hiatus is (I guess over?) or FINALLY DONE. Well, to say that College has got the best of me is truly an understatement since it was a month ago(?). Oopps. So what’s with the in betweens? Went on a Holiday, Work (I mean massive work!) To say that I truly am sorry is never an excuse (it’s not that I owe you some explanation of why the universe suddenly changed its course, blah-blah and more blah). It is because I, the writer miss EVERYONE. It’s like knowing when you need air to breathe in and knows that only way to do so is to exhale. You, being the air play a significant yet very subtle role in this space of mine.  You let me expand my horizon into a dimension I am almost never willing to discover, in short, you are FRIEND – who waits ever so dearly to read and respond.  So to catch up reading, here’s what happened:

COLLEGE:

I majorly was the happiest person to even know College is over! No ASSIGNMENTS! To think of introductions, argument and conclusion was the BEST part but needless to say, the art of saying goodbye to mates I have known for 2 years was also bittersweet! College did me oh-so-good! Discipline, focus and a lot of hard work means only one thing – DIPLOMA!

huge thanks, Bournville!

huge thanks, Bournville!

TRAVEL:

Because a very dear friend is going back home, we (the awesome 4some) decided a detour! This time to the Amazing Stonehenge, bath and Windsor Castle! We did it! I mean we got to slept with total Italian strangers!

at Trafulgar Square!

at Trafulgar Square!

the Epic fall of Inna at Buckingham Palace!

the Epic fall of Inna at Buckingham Palace!

at the very posh bath!

at the very posh bath!

at the amazing Stonehenge!

at the amazing Stonehenge!

SENDING OFF PARTY FOR INNA:

This crazy woman (I say crazy because she is the epitome of the BEST lunatic EVER created in this world! And missing her doesn’t count because it only adds to the fact that she annoyingly does the BEST tease ever – without me defenselessly trying to fly to the moon whenever she  concedes in nothing but what seems to be a sweet banter!)

inna banana!

inna banana!

WORK:

This I will say consumes EVERYTHING thus far. And I mean my time; it’s not a pretty lame excuse, after all I’m VERY back!

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blackpool, baby!!

barefooted...

barefooted…

“Sometimes, in the midst of nor’ easter might, shoreline’s left nothing but a picture of total havoc, leaving the pristine coastline a smudge of mess. Yet when the same body of water recurs, this time more calm and at peace expunge unpleasant muddles thus making the water-edge immaculately perfect, allowing no traces of austerity, just utter madness called beauty. ” -Beloved

shoreline

shoreline

sand and sun-kissed skin!

sand and sun-kissed skin!

the tower

the tower

grateful. happy. blessed. favored. loved.

grateful. happy. blessed. favored. loved.

made it through the rain!

made it through the rain!

sweet reality

sweet reality

hitting two birds with one stone – bank holiday Monday and mate’s birthday only in Blackpool!

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Serenely indomitable

conversations

conversations

Shoreline:

Ocean,

You can’t be kept in just one shoreline. That said, your body called vastness has no known shape and current wouldn’t mind shaking you a bit for you to know what’s it like to be in another shoreline, where familiarity doesn’t exist. Ocean, you are deep in every sense of the word. So deep that whenever you kiss the water’s edge, your depth couldn’t even reach the level to satiate the yearning of your absence. The sound of your mighty voice is impeccable. The swish seems to secure an abyss called mystery only you can fill. The joy of surprise you bring whenever you arrive always (never missed) leaves me breathless, makes my heart skip a beat. Nothing compares an arbitrary of uncertainties brought about by tender strokes held forever captive. A relationship known perfect without words just trust – believing you’ll come and take a breather. As for now, Ocean, you are the distance between the way things are and the way the shoreline wants it to be – a fraction of your home. I’ll welcome you in the morning whenever the glory of sunrise is at its sight and bid goodbye in between the sweet nothings of sunset.

Your ever patient significant other,

Shoreline

Ocean’s reply:

Shoreline,

You are someone that i cannot measure unless i have infinity.

Ocean

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7 year itch

the art of saying goodbye is leaving without regrets

the art of saying goodbye is leaving without regrets

 

I am not referring to a marital relationship that seems to have another meaning (infidelity). I am (in all honesty) in reference to a gap. A space that would defo bridge what had happened in the past. It could also mean a cycle called mess I was in. 7 long years. Was it worth it? Deep in my heart a resounding YES is the answer! Did I really move on? In my best effort, yes, well it wasn’t until I was presented by a thought so provoking that I begun to ask myself certain questions. I was eagerly waiting to watch “see girl run”, the trailer did something that needs further analysis on my part (no, I am not writing a movie rev just yet because the truth of the matter is, the point I am hoping to address is much more important than the movie, though I can say, the movie’s main objective – that is for me to realize something larger than life, an answer I was waiting for 7 years put in a much creative way).

How do you break up with someone who is not even responding? Will you just go ahead, forget the past and have it a go? Or will you try countless of times until you no longer need to fill in the void? Or in my case, I left an open wound, a fresh scar that further needs tending.

“The most obvious important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about.” – David Foster Wallace

Was I living a quasi-moving on life? Not really, but this I know – an unfathomable missing piece I was in search of was in a place called nowhere (finding nowhere is the most difficult of all since address and name of the place will never get you done, you’re left even without clue).

How could one define moving on without being deprived of the truth one so deserved? Sometimes you learn not to fight over things, because you know BEST things come after it.

Is holding on an appropriate way to justify and merit such actions? I believed it does.  If in the event of how things fall into its proper place, you can’t question or even demand for things in your favor, because pain will never be sacred. By pain, I mean, you will never try to grow (leave your comfort zone, walk on waters), stretch who you are (character), be with yourself (you know what you want in life, no one’s going to dictate you), define you (you can’t pull off another individual just to be liked or loved), laugh until you cry (where you don’t create life dramas and I think it comes in age, too), trust and believe again (even when it’s the hardest thing of all, you just do it), and eventually – let your heart beat again (learn to love again). I believe divine delays are venerable. I am just way too happy; my middle name is spelled PATIENCE. I mean, 7 years is SEVEN YEARS.

 

sarah kay

sarah kay

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32

the yummy kiamy cake!

the yummy kiamy cake!

I am officially 32! Yay! Some say, it is ‘decision age’, ‘do or die’, ‘between life and death’, ‘clock is ticking’, ‘strike while the iron is hot’ but to me, it’s just numbers, combined to present a matter so important and larger than life. Yes, I am 32 and the age seems to agree with me (well, it suits me)! For quite some time, I was thinking (okay, over thinking fits!) about what to write, really. History would have it that I indeed was waiting for this age to come (I can name a few who can testify). I was eager enough to face and embrace the combo that made me smile and realized my life’s journey? Truly beautiful, add the many failures, heartbreaks, setbacks, challenge. On the eve of the 21st, I cry out with immense anticipation of what’s to come, rendered speechless and truly indebted for everything – most especially breathing! Back when dreams emerged as shadows of the future, I was more excited about the age than me, but the latter is somewhat tangible than the mere representation of numbers.

So what does my heart really want? Nothing but the one touch of His favor. Opportunity offers a great deal as I would want to choose however possible it is (forthright, really). But I never wanted an opportunity; I wanted a chance (I happen to love the word), another lease, happy accident, unplanned route, coincidental risk, a serendipitous encounter, unusual stake, once in a blue moon ticket, rare occasion, half timing and the other’s half luck (I can drag almost all the things impossible to define, certainly, but I’d like to drive home my point). I never want the finest things or most of the luxurious treat ever.  No. I still am very simple. If you happen to know me from scratch, you’ll define me as a woman who knows value not on the outside but deep within. I may exude finesse but it’s because that’s me. Subtlety me. No excuses, games and promos. Something has changed (that’s true) but future, the only thing that remains just as the same is my core – you can’t change it since that’s when I had the best, most awful mess I was in to deserve this very moment, for I am FULLY PERSUADED. I say No, for a BIG YES real SOON!

Random thoughts:

Since this age is beyond meaningful I started a Grateful Jar to be filled with good-happy thoughts every single moment of my life. Like a stranger who just hands me crisps in a bus, saving my angry tummy from serious trouble or a good talk with someone I missed mucho. Perhaps a letter or a surprise call. I want to remind myself how each moment pass without me failing to acknowledge it. The Jar is renewed each year as my birthday comes and will read everything on the eve of the 21st of April.

Grateful Jar

Grateful Jar

So what’s inside?

some goody things worth to be remembered!

some goody things worth to be remembered!

And for today? A gift all the way from Switzerland!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

from Rocille and Peach! whatta surprise indeed!

32.1

From Rocille and Peach! A card and swiss chocs! love the bugs as well!

So, cheers 32! I have been waiting for you! You made my heart beat again!

Xoxo,

Beloved

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Mark + Carla = Love <3

I so love weddings! And been dying to attend one apart from the country I solely love! So when the news of a mate in college that she is getting married, I was so happy to know I’m included in the list (even when it was still back in January!). I don’t know their traditions here but one thing I know for sure, it must be LOVE!!!!!!!!!

Here’s some photos as proof of evidence!

me and a friend on a dance floor!

me and a friend on a dance floor!

with the bride and groom and my mates

with the bride and groom and my mates

the awesome foursome strikes again!!

the awesome foursome strikes again!!

shake that groove thing, yeah!

shake that groove thing, yeah!

the music didn't pleased us but still the groove was on!!

the music didn’t pleased us but still the groove was on!!

i can't help but be more amazed at this lady friend who wore dress for the event!

i can’t help but be more amazed at this lady friend who wore dress for the event!

who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! i so love the epic bridal car!

who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! i so love the epic bridal car!

Inna Banana a.k.a. my tom tom

Inna Banana a.k.a. my tom tom

i stole some moments with the newlyweds!

i stole some moments with the newlyweds!

To the man who suddenly grabbed my hand and danced with me, sorry. It’s not awkward to dance with you but I can’t leave my circle of friends dancing the night away! But you owe me an apology since grabbing me out of nowhere is strictly prohibited! To Sarah (Mark’s cousin), thank you! Joining you at the Chocolate fondue was one of night’s highlights! I so cherish your family, my lady friend Carla is one blessed woman to have all of you!

And to you who graciously asked for my number, i do appreciate it.

What’s next? 32!!!!!!! 😉

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Beautiful MESS (BOYS Edition)

from tumblr

from tumblr

As promised! But before zooming into the meat of this account, let me first share a TGIF-slightly-feel-good-movie-line from “Waiting for forever” (Will’s letter to Emma):

Dear Emma,

Those two words “Dear Emma” take me away to another time when we used to write to each other after Mom and Dad died. I used to tell you about my new friends and my new life. And you used to tell me about the grand time my mom and dad were having in heaven.

Truth is nothing. What you believe to be true is everything. And the main thing that I used to believe was that I would be with you forever. Forever. The reason it has taken me so long to write to you is that I see that I have been a fool. I’ve spent my life fooling myself.

Every letter I’ve ever written to you has been a love letter. How could they have been anything else? I can see now that all of them except this one were bad love letters. Bad love letters beg for love back. Good love letters ask for nothing. This, I’m pleased to announce is my first good love letter to you because there is nothing more for you to do. You’ve already done everything. I have enough of you in my head to last forever. So please don’t ever worry about me. I’m peachy. I really am. I have everything.

If I had one wish it would be that your life brings you a taste of the happiness you have brought to me. That you can feel what it’s like to love.

Your friend forever,

Will

Why the letter? Okay, when I was in nursery (I assume) I was bullied by a Turkish boy who loves to steal all my well-sharpened pencils! He never wants me to write or at least wants me to hold any of my pencil that is! He makes sure that he grabs my pencil case and to my surprise left me nothing but a black crayola (now, who does want to use a crayola?). My Mother would scold me whenever she opened the case and viola – all of my pencils were nowhere to be found! I can’t fully explain to her since I myself could not understand why this certain boy would do such a thing to me! Needless to say that whenever recess is up next, he’ll offer me something to munch, the nerve! But clueless to a thought or even two, I was not pleased with the behavior at all. Mondays were such a dragged that I hate going to school. I had to put up with “sickness syndrome” just for me to have a legit excuse! School is cool? Yeah, thought so, but that “ugly” part I was in? Total turn off! And the least good thing to be in was to seat beside this Turkish boy! That’s when I realized I “hate” boys! So hating would somehow stop me from mingling with such complex creature but it didn’t, in grade school it got worse! School days was referred to as “exile days” as it seems to wreck havoc (on any given day), okay, I’ll spell it for you: I love to sing and when Music is up next, I literally wanted to scream (thus by far the best time of the day or so I thought!) but each time my classmates would demand that I render them a playlist of songs and sing it out loud, I could not remember if there was a single time I said no since grades and singing were almost synonymous! And that was the problem! Boys would just go out and get “flowers” in the garden and hand it over to me! I reckoned speechless given that malice and I haven’t met at a very young age. Lame excuse? I always hide inside the toilet! It was way too “ugly” for me not to have a single decent conversation with boys. I got stuck in the rut! I never had the chance to face it squarely which haunted me dearly for years, the thought kills me! But the mess turned out to be one of the BEST parts of my life. I had to accept I am not an island thus living with another complex-creature is a must. I had to be broken to see the beauty in it (relationship). I was way too sheltered away from boys that they are indeed amazing beings! The fear of getting to know them even more sprung from childhood that gave way till I was a teeny. The nightmare that beckons me all throughout the years were just a pile of lies making a delusion of the deem truth. I had to undergo repetitive not so good cycles that touch the very core of me (I won’t claim I know better now) but I can boldly say I know myself MORE than ever. I am the BEST ME – even when I am surrounded in a room full of boys (matured ones).

Going back to the attached letter, I know it takes a lot of courage to say the most important things in life and so does a man needs to tell you how he truly feels… Don’t worry, this time I promise I won’t run away and hide. I honor a man who takes slim chance of his entire lifetime, risk everything and drive home his point.

I leave you with this song from the movie: Waiting for forever

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Beautiful MESS

As 32 is looming (really excited) and words won’t count how grateful I am for EVERYTHING, I’ll start by saying that in life there are things meant not to be beautiful in the surface (rough-ugly kinda thingy). But that what makes life really beautiful! Here’s some of the “not so beautiful in me” things: (this is just one of the many, really) 😉

1.)    The exactness of things are sometimes measured in terms of birth month and since I’m in no way put-up kid when I was little, (weird that all my childhood friends went normally capable of being in nursery at the age of 4, I was caught in the middle of nowhere since then) due to my age being “not so beautiful” I skipped kindergarten, I was kinda half and half age. So what happened to grades 1, 2 and 3? Visitor! Smart? No, not really. Visitor means cleaning the mess, simply put – blackboard, eraser, and toilet even if I’m not the assigned cleaner of the day! But since I was attending school religiously, my teacher merited me but the downside? READING. Sure, I know what words are but I haven’t had much of  what others are into, in my mind I was just playing in the classroom, let alone, sing (yeah, since then, they’ve been asking me to sing any song, I should be a great performer because of such experience). But the drag of things didn’t come handy when I reached 5th grade! Though I was not bullied not being able to read well, my Mom took it upon herself to discipline me, hence I had to spend summer practicing reading with my oh-so-good-to-perfection-teacher a.k.a my mom! She has to put up every single chore in advance so we can have reading and comprehension type of bonding! Wow, imagine all my friends playing outside and I was tortured with reading plus writing paragraphs! Not to make mention the lengthy vocabulary, comprehension and using it in a sentence! Talking about sheer-unadulterated time with one of my fave subjects – English! But that ugly mess made me who I am today. I vividly remember when I was in high school I wouldn’t leave the house without a 5 new found friends also called fresh words! Well, I wrote it in a piece of paper and later on, use it in a sentence. My love for words went beyond years that I instantly fell in love with books. I even wrote little nothings in tissue papers even in news papers when random thoughts came flushing in (hey, I can’t put it on hold).  That said, when I was 18, I started my journal and had this intimate relationship that is still pretty much going on til this day! I have this huge box at home where I put all my knick knacks in! The ugly mess was in truth a fuel for me to work on with the help of my number one fan – Mom!

So the simple truth? Ugly mess can turn into beauty only if you let things happen. Under the crucible of what seems to be grueling and painful or even tiring, you let life squeeze out the very best in you. As coined by someone wise, “Pain brought about by such intense love makes sacrifice sacred.”

I’ll soon add another “ugly thing”, including boys (oh, that’s a what?) hahahaha. Tarah for now! I leave you with this song by Gungor!

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